Violence in any relationship is a threat to life. A guy who bullies his lady or threatens her at the slightest provocation is not on the right track. A woman who destroys everything in the home or smashes windscreens of her guy's vehicle or other things precious to him is not on the right track either.
A 29 year old selina shares her own story
He batters me and then makes sweet love to me; Ray was my childhood sweetheart and we lived in the same neighborhood. He was friendly with my two elder brothers because they were mates and were born in the same neighborhood. Our parents know each other very well but we had cause to part ways when my father built our house in the Gbagada area of Lagos while Ray's parents continued to live in Apapa. His mother and mine are of the same profession and are indeed very close to the extent that after their retirements, they kept the relationship. At least once every month my mother and I and my younger ones drove to the old neighborhood to visit family friends and Ray's family was always top on the list.
However, my mother became worried when she noticed that Ray was taking interest in me as a woman. Although Ray's mother was delighted with the development and encouraged it, my mother paid lips service to it in the presence of Ray's parents but frowned when we were alone. She told me that she would not encourage any relationship between Ray and I and advised me to take Ray as a brother which he is not.
I was exhilarated when he got a job in an oil firm while I was still a student in the university. He spoilt me rotten but my parents were not impressed. My father urged me to concentrate on my education and forget about any man while my mother spoke in parables about Ray and I. She said that what she would observe while sitting down ,that I would not see it even if I stand on top of the highest mountain in the world.
My father doubled my pocket money so, I wouldn't be carried away or throw myself at any man because of money.
I lost my virginity to Ray in my final year and during my NYSC, I was impregnated by him. That necessitated my moving in with him while his parents hurried our traditional marriage. Strangely, my father allowed the traditional marriage but would not accept the bride price because according to him, he had already made up his mind not to accept bride price on the head of his first daughter.
Marriage to Ray was marriage made in hell. He started by harassing me verbally, alleging that I was bringing in other men into the house in his absence. He accused me of bringing in boyfriends and visiting them claiming they are my brothers or male relations. From verbal accusations, he started pushing me around. At any provocation, he would push me around or shake me vigorously until I screamed. Then the pushings became slaps and then heavy beating. I had what the doctors called threatened abortion in my seventh month but they saved the situation. I was admitted for five days and my mother knew what happened immediately she saw me even though I tried to lie.
She told me Ray's mother had told her Ray was violent in his relationships and brutalised his girlfriends in the past. But the strange thing was that Ray always made sweet love to me afterwards. It became a trend that I began to desire being battered because of the sweet love he made to me afterwards. The trend got worse after I put to bed and degenerated to my having blotches and black patches from time to time that would take days, weeks and even months to heal.
My parents were unhappy and his own parents talked to him on several occasions. He always promised to change but got worse instead.
One day, he came home late from work as always and I was in the bathroom. He almost pushed down the door because I couldn't come to open it. His younger brother who opened the door got a black eye while he rushed upstairs to meet me in the bathroom and nearly drowned me but for the almost- too- late intervention of his brother. He alleged that I was having something with his undergraduate younger brother. I was panting and was rushed to the hospital. After my discharge, my parents drove me to their home and every attempt Ray's family made to breach peace failed. And for the first time since February, I have not missed Ray or his bitter-sweet love-making. In as much as i say that divorce or breakup isn't the best, but not when your life is at risk. Violence in relationship, marriages is bad, just few days ago a female lawyer was arrested for stabbing her husband to death. Dear readers , if your in an unhealthy relationship and u see that your partner find it hard to change for good, my dear take a walk.Life is supreme, if anything happens the dead cannot say their own side of the story.Stop violence today in relationship or marriage before it is too late. cheers
